woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
