The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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