so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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