so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
