Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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