i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
