i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
