the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
