You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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