Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
