1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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