Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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