you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
