This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
