In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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