I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
