Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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