i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
