either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
BRING THE BAGELS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
