Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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