wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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