We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
