i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
