Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize