who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
