I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
