i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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