why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
