What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
