4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
