i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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