If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
