oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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