Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize