i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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