Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
