so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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