RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
