Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
