just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize