Porn is love you can see.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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