Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
