we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
