Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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