i will never coherently bang her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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