I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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