hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
