ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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