Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
