Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my penis made a compromise with my morals
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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