people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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