Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
