problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
