so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
