if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
