if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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