The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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