On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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