I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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