i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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