It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
