He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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