Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize