How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just high enough for therapy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
