Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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