I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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