Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
