I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
