It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
