That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
