I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
