Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
