who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
