and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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