i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
