ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
