Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
