just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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