You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
