remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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