There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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