Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
