whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
