Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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