Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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