Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
