PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
