are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize