Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
