I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
