that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize