He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
