Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
