U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
