Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
