so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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