East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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