wakey wakey hands off snakey
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This toilet bowl is my home.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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