"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
