They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
