How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
